I just discovered, way too late to do anything about it, that today is Performance Art Wednesday in Weblog World.

All sorts of people are putting little audio blog entries on their sites. Although it's fun to find out what some of your favourite bloggers sound like, the odd thing is that I have met some of these people in real life, and they actually sound different. I mean, not way different, just ... it doesn't sound quite like them.

Here's Meg, sound like she hasn't entirely woken up yet, wittering on about having a towel on her head and jumping off a cliff ...

The idea of audblog is that you can simply call them up on the phone and leave a message, just like you would log on to Blogger and write an entry.

But the problem is, it's not as easy as that. When we talk, we put in lots of ums and ahs and you knows, you know? And we ... er ... hesitate and then we ... actually we usually ... I mean, then we...

When listening to people speak, we automatically filter all that rubbish out. But listening to a recording, we don't. So it's hard to listen to. And using audblog, you can't edit your piece in the way you automatically do with written text - even the most casual, quick entry.

What's more important is that speaking for a recording is different as well. Face to face, or even on the phone, we speak normally, in a fairly level tone. But in a recording, that sounds flat.

Which is why TV and radio presenters always speak in a funny WAY. They tend to put much more EMPHASIS on certain words than on OTHERS. It makes you sound a bit like a TOSSER, but it really does WORK.

So if you're going to do an audio blog entry, my advice is:
(a) script it beforehand, and
(b) do your best David Dickinson impression [orange glow optional].

So, Rodney, what have you been doing today? Have you been busy?

Yes. I made a list of all the things I needed to do today.

And did you do them?

I did the first thing.

And then?

And then I went in search of the list, so I could find the other things.

And you did them?

No. I spent half an hour searching for the list.

Yet again I have to apologise for being AWOL for the past few weeks. I've been busy with so many things lately that I've not had a moment to do this site.

Actually, I've had lots of moments but there always seemed to be something more important to do.

Well, I'm back and I intend to update more regularly from now on. There are lots of things to talk about, but not yet.

Actually, I keep thinking of things to write here. But when I sit here to write, I've forgotten it.

The only thing I can remember was the other day when Susanne said, "Oh, we have to watch ER'

I have never watched this series, or indeed anything to do with hospitals, but I felt I ought to show willing, so I watched a whole episode.

It's about sick people. People who are sick. People who've got diseases and things. Some of these people die.

Why would anyone spend time looking at people who are sick? Without being paid for it? (I've checked, and as far as I can tell, there is no option to get paid for watching ER).

And they're set in hospitals. I always feel sick when I'm in a hospital, even if I'm just visiting. It's something about the smell of chemicals and the green paint that seems to be the same shade in every ward in every hospital in the world.

If you do find a scheme that pays you to watch ER, please could you ask if they also have a Baywatch option? Thanks.