So is there anything you need to know about home births? Because I am now expert on the subject. I went to a meeting of the midwives at our local hospital, and they fielded any questions we had to ask. Before this, I would have thought meconium is a sort of furniture polish. Now, I know better.

When I say, 'any questions we had to ask', I mean 'we' as in 'a group of expectant mothers'. Susanne was not one of them, because due to our being advised very late (Friday) of the date of the meeting, she could not attend. She's off in Ireland for a bit of a holiday before the big event.

Yet again, then, I was the sole unaccompanied male. I was beginning to worry that people would begin to suspect that I was in fact making up the whole thing and my pregnant wife was just a figment of my imagination.

I spoke to Susanne this afternoon and she has assured me that when the actual birth takes place, she is definitely going to be present. But if for some reason she can't make it, at least I know what to do. And what to polish the furniture with.

Well, it seems to have been well established that the reason new furniture smells of fish is because of the glue they use.

Now the next question: why does the glue smell of fish?

Yesterday, Susanne was not feeling well, which was a bit of a problem because we had arranged to attend a home birth workshop.

Philipp was born in a hospital in Germany, but having seen the quality of hospitals in this country, we decided to look into the possibility of having a home birth. So we signed up for a workshop organised by the National Childbirth Trust.

I felt a bit weird at first as the sole unaccompanied male, but I quickly got used to it - there were about eight couples, and one of them turned out to be Maeve, who I used to work with, and her partner Martin. I didn't even know she was pregnant, so it was a bit of a shock to see her sitting there with a big bump. She's due a little earlier than Susanne - in early January.

(I noticed, by the way, that the women all seemed to know their exact due dates, whereas the men were all a bit vague. I read somewhere that vagueness was one of the effects of pregnancy)

We talked about the possible complications that might arise, and any problems that might arise. There was some mention of blood (Blood? Why should there be blood? If you cut yourself, maybe?)

This is Susanne's second baby, but only my first, so my knowledge of births is largely restricted to scenes in old movies. I am aware, therefore, that we will need lots of towels and hot water. I'm not sure for what, though. Probably to bathe the wound if you cut yourself ...

Anyway, we had a couple of women who came in to talk to us about their experience of home births. Both of them had had water births and they brought their babies with them - presumably to confirm that they had not drowned - and we all ended up saying, "hey, yes! We want one of those!" (I mean, the water births, not the babies, which we will definitely be having anyway)

So that's what where we are now. A home birth is very much on the cards, with the possibility of a water birth - or at least keeping the bath well filled.

All I need to do now is get some towels...

So there I was, quietly watching TV when I stopped to look at the BBC News headlines on teletext.

The main headline read:

GIANT POLICE EXERCISE TO GUARD BUSH

This is a disturbing development in our civil liberties. Who are these giant police? Where are they exercising? Why have we not heard about them before? How big are they exactly? Will they be a bit taller than the demonstrators, or are we looking at PCzilla?

I think we should be told.

A simple question, really:

Why does new furniture smell like fish?

Oh yes, I'm now a practised DIYer. Officially.

For years there's been a plug socket in my bedroom that didn't work. It had two sockets, one of which worked and the other didn't. I kept meaning to call an electrician to fix it, but something else always intervened. Usually my tight-fistedness, actually.

Anyway, having managed such fine DIY tasks as putting up shelves, and er, putting up other things, I decided it was time to advance my skills by doing some electrical fitting. Actually, it was my tight-fistedness again: we had an electrician to call in order to move a socket in the bathroom, and I had thought we might get him to fix the one in the bedroom. Then I realised it would save a bit of money to fix it myself.

Well, with the help of those fine people at B&Q, I was able to find out some information. This PDF file explains how to 'Save the expense of calling out an electrician by learning how to trace and correct some of the most common electrical faults yourself.' Level of skill required: Practised DIYer.

I switched off the power, then prised off the socket. Sure enough, the plug that had been giving trouble was broken. I disconnected the wires and took the socket front to the local DIY shop, where I managed to give the impression that I knew what I was doing. (Er .... I think)

I came back and was just about to fix the socket into place when I realised that the places the wires were supposed to go were different, and in different order. Fortunately, I figured that the wire that had been in the 'L' bit could go into the 'L' bit on the new one, the 'N' could go into the'N' bit, and that just left the Earth wire to go back into the one with the fiddly symbol.

So I wired them up, and, once I put the power back on - it worked! Hey! I'm a practised DIYer! It was easy!

Actually, that PDF file does not exactly say how to fit a socket replacement, so I'm actually even more impressed.

Warning: this entry is not intended as an encouragement to go poking around your wires at home. Especially if you're overseas, in America say, and your power cable are different colours or wired up differently or something. I take no responsibility for any death or injuries as a result of trying this at home.

I would couch that in the proper legal terminology, but I'm too tight-fisted to hire a lawyer ....

On Saturday we went to Borough Market, which is not far away.

It's full of the most wonderful sights and smells - stalls with cheap but high quality vegetables, meats and breads. There's a German produce stall, a Spanish food area, French cheeses and Italian olive oils. And best of all, you can stop to sample the food. That's not always a good thing.

The olive oil stand always has little chunks of bread and dishes of their oil. It's so tempting to dip a chunk of bread in and try the basil oil or the truffle one. And you think to yourself, "hmm, that's quite pleasant" and you wander off, and slowly the taste creeps up on you and you have to come back and buy some.

It is a sort of foodie paradise. We go there every couple of months. Any more often than that and we wouldn't be able to pay the mortgage ...

So last weekend we went up to Buxton in Derbyshire.

This is a picture of Poole's Cavern , a large cave nearby. This section is called the Poached Egg chamber - because visitors thought these large stalagmites looked like poached eggs. You may feel they resemble something else; I could not possibly comment.

Buxton is a pretty town, formerly a major spa town. Now its major business is producing bottled water . It's got some nice shops and fine eighteenth century buildings. The picture here shows the interior of the old baths, which has now been turned into a small shopping centre.

It's a quiet place. Obviously, they take care of their ducks.